


bokuto's fatal feelings

by maddie_aka_yuta



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anger, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Comfort/Angst, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friendship, Gay, Gen, Heartbreak, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Messy, One-Sided Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Panic Attacks, Please Don't Hate Me, Rejection, Sad, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:27:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27054163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maddie_aka_yuta/pseuds/maddie_aka_yuta
Summary: "uhh, it's kinda embarrassing to say but i think i have feelings for you..." he bit his bottom lip. "and i know it's weird because we both guys, but you are so amazing and.. and..." akaashi's hand on bokuto's mouth stopped his confession."what?" akaashi hissed.orshort angst about bokuto's fatal feelings(AU where kuroo is older than bokuto [2/3 years] and living close to him anything beside that is like canon before the time skip)
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji & Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Kudos: 12





	bokuto's fatal feelings

**Author's Note:**

> hello guys it's my first angst and first work here, i never was into angst but oh got this awesome works like "in another life" or "oikawa last wish/es" (i recomment that to you so so much) just made me feel love to angst and i thought "maaan i need to write something" so here i am!  
> (there can be some grammar or spelling mistakes since english is not my native language but i tried my best to fix all of them!)  
> hope you enjoy!!

after practice when almost everyone went to the club room bokuto decided to finally tell the truth "akaashi! can we talk?" he asked. "yes, bokuto-san?"

"uhh, it's kinda embarrassing to say but i think i have feelings for you..." he bit his bottom lip. "and i know it's weird because we both guys, but you are so amazing and.. and..." akaashi's hand on bokuto's mouth stopped his confession. 

"what?" akaashi hissed.

"i said-" bokuto wanted to continued but he can't. 

"keep your voice down faggot, i am doing it for your good so better shut up." he sighed. "i can't believe my teammate and friend is fucking gay." he said quiet. 

"what... akaashi, what are you saing?" 

"you didn't actually thought i am gonna accept your confession like it's normal thing? it's disgusting, god. " after this words and a long silent moment bokuto opened his mouth. 

"... you are right- i totally- not at all... i wasn't serious... it would be abnormal... i just wanted to let you know. can we at least be friends like we used to do? not for me... for team, it's important, after all nationals are close." bokuto's voice kinda cracked. 

"i think this is fine." he said this sentence out of discouragement. "thanks akaashi, i appriecate that." he wiped tears that don't ever came out. Bokuto tossed a ball to bag in storage and with usual laughter said "see you tomorrow akaashi!" 

"yea, see you."

***

when bokuto's was going throught the street to his home his eyes were blank, there wasn't even one emotion, not a saddness, disappointed or anger. nothing. 

with a door locking sound he realized he ignored his family and he is finally at his room. "akaashi..." he sobbed. 

"i really love you akaashi..." he wanted to sit but then he just felt how anger started to filling every inch of his body. "i just... wanted to be closer."

"I FUCKING LOVE YOU DON'T YOU GET IT?" he screamed like he could make akaashi love him back. "I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU, YOU IDIOT!" he saw a photo in a frame on a desk so he moved to it, bokuto and akaashi, smiling. "I STILL LOVE YOU EVEN IF YOU HOMOPHOBE, EVEN IF YOU HATE ME NOW" 

"I CARE ABOUT YOU!" he throw everything from his desk on the ground. glass crushed to pieces. "I CAN DO ANYTHING FOR YOU! FUCK! ANYTHING YOU WANT, I CAN EVEN DIE FOR YOU! LITERALLY! ANYTHING... " he teared photos from pin board throwing them behind him. he couldn't see them throught the tears that started to falling down. "...anything."

"what." he kicked trash bin spreading trash. "else. can. i. do." he couldn't breath. "just... love me... please." he leaned against the wall and slumped down sitting down among all the stuffs. 

bokuto's coughing caused by anger attack and crying maked him gasped for breath but he couldn't. he started to feel dizzy. he couldn't move. bokuto had an anger attack in the past but what is happening now is way more scary and aweful. 

"a-akaa... shi." he whispered. 

"i knew it would happened, you are too weak." cold but similar voice spreaded as someone enter the room. 

***

"i'm sorry..." bokuto said after he calmed down and taked a glass of water from person who stand above him. "i'm so sorry i should've call..." 

"don't worry. are you ok now?" he asked. 

"yes, thank you kuroo, you didn't need to come you know." he whiped tears with a tissue. "i can handle it myself" 

"you would be dead or something if i didn't come." he hugged bokuto. "and as you can see, with the way your room look it was bad, really bad. why don't you go to psychologist?" kuroo sat next too messy looking man. 

"i already told you said i can handle it." his eyes again became a void. bokuto laid his head on his knees curling up. 

"so..." kuroo started to playing with his fingers. "you wanna talk about it?" 

silent. 

"we don't have to obviously if you don't want to, but i want you to know that i'm always here." kuroo tried to cheer bokuto up, just a little bit to make him feel better. 

"he... he called me a faggot." bokuto giggled. "and said it's disgusting." bokuto's laugh was the saddest laugh that kuroo ever heard. 

"oh this little shit i'll beat him. insulting my frie-" he wanted to stand up but bokuto stopped him with a weak grab on kuroo's shirt. "it's fine. we are still friends. cause the team cannot know, they need me..." he stopped laughing. 

"you should start taking care of yourself, not the team..." kuroo said with disappointed.

"i can't. just for a little longer, i want to play with them like we always do." bokuto drank a little bit of water that kuroo gave him before. "it's my last year." 

"and there is you going with the sentence "i'm going to be okay like i am always do", a fucking bullshit."

" i know it's tiring... i'm sorry for making you going through it with me." he tired to hold the tears up. 

"it's not what i meant... bokuto, i'm just worried about you. listen- uhh... nevermind, just don't make it too far, ok?" bokuto just nodded his head. "okay, now go get some rest." kuroo looked at his watch. "i guess you want to go to school tomorrow so just go to sleep. call me if u need to talk." he stand up pulling out hand for bokuto. 

bokuto grabbed kuroo's hand standing next to him and he hugged him instantly. "thank you kuroo, you are my best friend you know? i really thank you... thank you kuroo." 

"oh, you are gibberish. go to bed bro." he hugged shorter boy back strongly. "just don't do anything stupid..." 

after a some time hugging, kuroo kept an eye on bokuto cause he knew he would just laid down without changing clothes. "so, you are done, i'll be going, i either have a school tomorrow. goodnight bokuto."

"night kuroo, one more time thank you." bokuto rubbed his sore eyes. 

"no need to, this is what friends are for." he pet bokuto's hair and then he gently closed the door behind him. 

bokuto stayed alone at his room and he looked around. "what a mess..." he took his phone setting alarm two hours later than usual. "nothing gonna happen if i'm gonna miss one of my personal training." he thought and looked at the time. 02:23 am. "it's late." he put his phone to charger and laid down on the bed. 

"it's gonna be hard, but i can do it... i can do it... i'm strong enough" he kept on thinking this kind of thoughts until 4 am then he felt asleep with a pain in his heart. 

***

"hey hey hey!" bokuto put a smile on his face. 

"so you didn't quit after all?" akaashi raised his eyebrow. "i thought you gonna." 

"of coure akaashi i did not!" he smiled. "i could never, this team need the best captian, which is me!" loud laugh spread around the court. bokuto rushed over leaving akaashi behind so he could not see tears in fukurodani ace eyes. 

akaashi felt throb in his heart seeing how the best person he ever know just sinking into his fatal feelings, but his selfhate couldn't stop him from ruining everything what he care about. 

he just watched. 

cause not all of the stories ending well.

after inscription "the end" on the screen, behind the scenes...

the story goes on.

and there is nothing we can do about it.

they need to carry on like that till the real end.

and maybe in different story they're both happy, but here it's just a dream.

here, bokuto keep pretending to be happy for the person he love. even if it killing him. even if... he is just happy to see akaashi or he just want to think he is happy. 

it's the thing that only bokuto know.

and akaashi, he stayed quiet.

**Author's Note:**

> fact of the day : kuroo tried to calm bokuto for about two hours  
> i get inspired by song "feelings are fatal - mxmtoon"  
> thank you for reading i love you all!


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